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Although this could very well be a picture of me finding a new treasure at a favorite nursery, it's actually an illustration by David Catrow for a children's book called Plantzilla.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Letting Go and Holding On

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  There are no presents to worry about, not a lot of decorating, just family, friends,  and food.  Holidays bring with them traditions to which we either hang on or let go.  
 

Shortly after I moved to Washington, my mother and father began coming down from Alaska to visit my sister and me around the end of November. My mother loved seeing all of the Christmas stuff in the stores and as you can imagine, shopping in a densely populated area offered a lot more choices than those available in my remote home town of 750 people. On one of these visits, she bought me a couple of small Schlumbergeras (Christmas Cactus.)
 




When I bought my first home, I was excited to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the family in my new digs. Little did I know nearly 25 years ago that on that day a tradition had been born.  Each year since then, I’ve cooked and hosted our family’s Thanksgiving dinner. Family from Oregon and Washington are always in attendance and sometimes relatives from Vermont and Alaska are able to come. My brother, who died young, left four beautiful children who now attend my feast with their own offspring.  Although many of us see each other through the year, this is the one time when we are all together.


Setting the table and cooking the meal have become a sort of ritual of remembrance for me.
Everything I use, the china, depression glass, stemware, flatware down to the nut bowls
holds special meaning for me.  Most things have been handed down to me by family and friends.Even some of the food memorializes loved ones.  It is a special joy for me to share with the youngest ones at table that they are eating from plates which were a gift of their great grandfather to their great grandmother.  That they are using flatware that belonged to their great great grandmother.  That the silly old creamer in the shape of a cow was a treasured possession of their grandfather who loved it because it was given to his mother by her father.  The names of those we talk about are just names to the little ones but for some of us, they hold our hearts to holidays and times past.  There is something on the table to represent all of the members of our family present, scattered  across the country and those we love but  see no more.





I sometimes wonder about holding on to all of this stuff. Will future generations treasure it? I myself no longer use the linen tablecloths and napkins every year since ironing is not my favorite activity. What do we keep? What do we let go? What will the younger generation want and what will be dead weight? It doesn’t so much matter as right now there is a big old house with space for everything. In light of the hurricane on the east coast where so many homes and their contents were obliterated does it make sense to even think about such things? Nonetheless, every Thanksgiving eve as I touch the past while laying the table and each Thanksgiving as I hug the present and hold the future, I’m thankful for the most important thing present at our laughing, loud table - the love of my family.   Perhaps memories of these Thanksgivings will bring a smile to some  of those little ones when they are grown, making their own traditions and I am gone.


Each year around the beginning of November, those silly Christmas cacti were in full bloom and reminded me that it was time for my parents’ visit, and later years just my mom. Mom spent her last Thanksgiving with us in 2004 surrounded by loved ones and with her favorite of our Pomeranians in her lap. The first year they bloomed and I knew that there would be no visit was bittersweet. 

 

A couple of springs ago, the plants had not been doing very well for quite a while and I decided that they would spend the summer outside in the shade of the bamboo grove . By fall, they were nearly covered with bamboo litter and I’d decided that they would stay outside for the winter to go the way of all living things. Come on, they’re just plants, they don’t look all that great and plants come and go all the time. Besides, they reside in an unused room upstairs where no one but I sees them. It was time to let go. The following November, I was out walking through the bamboo and from under the thick litter a flash of pink caught my eye. Brushing the leaves away I found two healthy - looking Christmas Cacti blooming their heads off. What could I do?


The plants are once again blooming in a small upstairs room where the only one who notices is me - and maybe my mom. This year I’ll be visiting family away from my home. We’ll still laugh and be as loud as always, the most important thing at the table will still be present, but it will be different, and I’ll miss my tradition. Before I leave, I’ll be sure to touch a plate, smile at a little wax turkey made a few years ago by tiny hands and most certainly open the door of that upstairs room to spend a minute visiting those blooming Christmas Cacti.
What are your traditions? What do you keep? What do you let go?

Wether you are in a part of the world that celebrates this holiday or not, may your day be filled with things for which you are thankful! 

14 comments:

  1. Beautiful story, the most important thing to keep are the memories.

    My grandmother filled her front window with flowering plants like Christmas Cactus and I have one this year for the first time. Sweet memories.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

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  2. Oh man, you made me cry in my coffee!

    In many ways I'm jealous of your Thanksgiving tradition. Since first moving away from my hometown in my early 20's I haven't spent many Thanksgivings with my family. I think the best memories are the couple of times I did manage to fly home and surprise them all. One of my brothers was usually in on it but for the rest of them it was unexpected. Now with my grandparents gone and both of my brothers with kids of their own (and our family spread out in 3 states) our Thanksgivings are fractured. Christmas is our holiday to be together...I can't wait!

    Happy Thanksgiving Peter.

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    1. Crying in your coffee? That could start a whole new trend here in the land of fancy coffee drinks! Hope that you and Andrew have a great holiday.

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  3. Happy Thanksgiving Peter! This was a great post! You have some wonderful memories of hosting those dinners, thanks for sharing them with us. I'm glad you rescued the Christmas cactuses. My mom gave me one several years ago that she had for years and years. I got rid of it when we moved, and I wish I still had it. Enjoy your Thanksgiving with your family.

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    1. Thanks Alison! I hope you have a great Thanksgiving too!

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  4. A beautiful, heart warming story and just shows how much thanksgiving means. A wonderful time for family and friends and the memories you make with them. Those memories are precious and will always linger on. Happy Thanksgiving you all!

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    1. I'm pretty lucky to have a family that gets along well and makes the day a joy.

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  5. What a wonderful story and tradition. Our extended families are more scattered and rarely are all together. This year Judy's brother and his family will be joining us, making for a table of nine, which is bigger than usual. I am grateful that each year we've been together with our own two kids. Best wishes for a happy Thanksgiving.

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  6. Glad you'll be with your kids! Hope it's a special day for you all!

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  7. What a pleasure for me to read about your family tradition! It's very touching.You're right, we have to keep things we love.
    The Christmas cacti (we call them Decembrist) are lovely, I never had them blooming.

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  8. Yikes...I kinda teared up a little too...darn you! I remember childhood Thanksgivings very fondly, a whole day of food and family fun...and we had a large family...9 sets of Aunts & Uncles on my Mom's side alone...and almost 40 grandkids...it was great! Sadly, over the years, we've all scattered...and my mom passed away several years ago. Thanksgiving was never the same for us after that...and then I moved out to Portland...and haven't been back for the holidays since. Hopefully, next year I'll be able to swing the airfare...and have another family Thanksgiving...Norm is in for quite a treat...I don't think he's ever witnessed a large family get-together like that!
    Happy Thanksgiving :-)

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    1. We are very lucky to have memories of big family gatherings! I hope you are able to go home for Thanksgiving next year so that you can relive your special tradition.

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Thanks so much for taking the time to comment! I love to hear your thoughts.